[Music]
so
[Music]
[Applause]
okay
langley
i was four when they came and got me
and
[Music]
it was it was the summer of 1959
and
i was wearing
a cotton 90 that my mom had made for me
and
soldiers came into the house and they
were in
green army fatigues
and they just came everybody else asleep
and nobody woke up
nobody
normally it would have woke my dad up in
an instant but nobody woke up
and
they put me in the back of the jeep
and we just drove
for days
at night not in the daytime
uh we kind of followed route 66
backwards
i i lived north of there so we drove
down
to state route 99.
to
route 66
and then east
and part of the time
we drove in the daytime but we were
underground
and i don't know where we were
but it was
tunnels
that
they were wide enough for two jeeps to
meet but we never met anybody and there
were these
the old big bear light bulbs hanging
from wires that were just draped
[Music]
you would if you were under one you
could just see the next one
so it was it was basically to show you
where the tunnel was not to guide your
way
and we would drive
it felt like forever
and we ended up
in virginia
and this was before the cia headquarters
were there
so i don't know which building i was
kept in i was kept in the basement
and
somewhere along the line i was
mind-wiped
so that i wouldn't remember my family
wouldn't cry for my mother
you know
i still spoke english but just barely
i mean i was four
i was very eloquent for a four-year-old
but i was still a four-year-old
and
they started the mind fracture
by
holding me head first into a tub of
water
until i
drowned
and i woke up inside the regeneration
tank
and the regeneration tank has a green
gel
that you float in so it's
it's one of those areas where you have
no stimulation i can't
yeah
and when i woke up my head was shaved
so i had no hair
which was
my hair was stringy and tangled easily
and
after all that travel and no brush it
was probably a mess anyway so
i wasn't worried about it
i don't know why i didn't remember my
family but i did remember
the trip
maybe it's
different altar memories
but uh
i had a number put on me
here
there's no scar but
i think it was more of a stamp rather
than than a tattoo
but i was number seven
the agent who
activated my memories
had been number five
that was part of why he appealed to me
though
part of me remembered him
he remembered having been a number five
that number one something to him but i
don't think he remembered being at
langley
but the first
they had this
list
of tortures that they put us through to
mind fractures
when an adult goes through these things
they just give up and die
or go catatonic
when a small enough child is put through
them
the child will choose to live
by separating
a piece of themselves
as a bubble around that memory so
they're basically taking that memory and
setting it aside
like that didn't happen
the goal
was to form
a 13 by 13 by 13 cubic array of
those bubbles
in a hierarchical sequence
so they only trained one
to say kill people with their mind
all of these sub alters
would
learn it from that one
this was standard operating procedure
so that when you add it up it's just
under 2200 alters
is i'm sorry
is 2200 alters
does it mean that you have
2200
trauma experiences
so every time there is a trauma there is
not new altar created
that was their goal i don't think they
were that efficient i think there were
times that i was stubborn and they had
to redo it
when it got to where you stopped
responding to a specific torture they
would go to the next one on the list
they started with drowning
because they wanted you to
learn to breathe in the regeneration
tank
which was a liquid
and
later when i
was home
i had trouble learning to swim because
i would keep breathing pool
well that's what they've got me do to do
it langley
so um
i don't remember all
of the tortures because i haven't
accessed
enough of those
alters
to know what all the tortures were
what i remember
i was drowned
i was raped repeatedly
sodomized
nailed inside a wall and left to
suffocate
locked inside a vault
with other children
with no food or water
i was shot
i was also shot through the heart
not only by the staff but by other
children
because we were forced to kill each
other
part of what we were learning
was that death was about an option
that you could
be obviously dead and the next day or
two you'd be back
um
and that has been true in in
the service
is
you're dead you're dumped into
regeneration or
put into a new clone body
so
you may be dead today but you're not
tomorrow
there is no escape you will always be
part of them
death is not
permanent
you don't get to escape them
so
the one about being nailed into the wall
i had
nightmares about that for
decades
before the memory opened
and
it was basically variations of a
ugly little blonde child
that
a woman would open a cabinet door and
the child would crawl in and
crawl through the wall
and just basically act like a squirrel
in the wall
that was what the nightmare was
and when the memory finally came
it was they had a section of the wall
that had been
emptied of
all of the insulation and wiring and
everything it was just an empty section
that was
a little bit bigger than most of us were
and they would shove us in it
put a piece of plywood over it and screw
it in
and just leave us there
so um
when i finally
accepted that that's what the memory was
the nightmare stopped
but the memory of them is still very
vivid
there was
a neighbor child
in the 1990s
that looked so much like the little girl
in the nightmares that i was having
those on a regular basis
so the fact that i thought of her as an
ugly child
it gives you some idea of my self-image
at the time
so
i was tiny and thin and
my head kept being shaved and
i was kept in
hospital pajamas all the time and i
probably thought i was ugly
and i don't remember them telling me i
was but
it wouldn't shock me if they had
that the
people i worked
who worked with
hell of a way to put it
the people that were in charge of mind
fracturing me
were all americans
i think one had a german axon
there were
several et's around most of them were
mancids or greys
that was at langley and i
didn't see them often
i know there were
once
i was taken out of our area
and down a hall
where i could see into
might have been a typing pool
you know the days before computers where
they all have the typewriters
there were people in there typing and
there were et's standing with them
supervising
and i was taken down the hall to
somewhere else and that was where i i
met the one
naga lady
who was in a white lab coat
just like it was normal
so um
with my memories of these people
their faces are completely missing
there was one christmas party
and
my feeling
is that it was when the cia headquarters
was dedicated
and
some of us were brought to that and i
was in an actual dress
still had a bald head
and there was a christmas tree in the
corner
and my memories everybody stops at the
hips
i can see
skirts and stockings high heels i can
see slacks and dress shoes
everything about that they're invisible
so that's obviously my memory was erased
by some means
um
i didn't think
they had the technology then
but they probably did when i was sent
back
to be able to fine-tune it like that
okay
how how do you know
this was
langley base per se
how did you find it
when i think about it it's like the word
langlius
is scribbled across it okay
i i don't know how else to explain it
it's
the memory says it's langley
so um
they may have told me i don't know
but uh
so this this has to have been a
very uh sectioned off area i assume i
mean
it should have been some some kind of a
very separated
um
isolated
sector there right at the base
where it was that reality was happening
while the rest of the base was probably
just regular you know personnel and
stuff
it
was underground
i'm not sure how many levels underground
and it had the feel of a prison hospital
so no windows you never saw like
sunlight or anything
no there were no windows there
everything was white
[Music]
the
walls were tiled up to about
a meter high
it was probably three feet but it was
about that range
and the tiles were white the walls were
white the floors had white tiles
as much of the furniture as they could
paint white was white
it was white
my personal room
room number seven
had a cot
and
a small toilet
and a small sink and no mirror
and one window in the door and it was
very small
so they could see me not so i could see
anything
and
um
my pajamas were white and the one
blanket i had was white
and uh
they would get really concerned if i sat
and walked
because that was a sign of
going catatonic
and they lost the kids that went
catatonic
that was that was the mind was giving up
they wanted you
to want to live
but they wanted to break you
and
80 percent of my group
went catatonic
how many how many children were there
that you remember
hundreds
there were hundreds when i got there
hundreds
and eighty percent see them all in like
one place
at a time sometimes
we would occasionally be in a cafeteria
space
okay
we were not allowed to interact
but we would be in the cafeteria
together
and that's how i knew that steve had
been
there was because
i had seen him in the cafeteria
and um
but you were all separating separated in
your old rooms
no one could get out so
during the day you would have all this
kind of stuff
happen sometimes you just sit there for
the whole day
yeah sometimes you're in the room for
the whole day for the whole week and
then they would in the middle of the
night yank you out and do crap to you
and
plop you back into the room if they
hadn't killed you
or put you in a regen tank and when you
came out they'd hose you off put you in
fresh pjs and put you back in your room
uh sometimes they would bring you food
in your room
sometimes they let you starve
and then other times if they
thought you'd been in solitary long
enough they'd pull you into the
cafeteria
with other kids that you weren't allowed
to play with you you know
you weren't allowed to talk to you had
to just sit and eat
or
whatever assignment they had for you
was there any
like
physical training
involved any kind of training
that you did
not at that point okay at that point
they were concentrating on mine fracture
that was that was the first year and a
half so that that's 1959
to
1960.
but end of 1960 i had
by the end of 1960 i had the required
number of
alters
um
1961
i went to montauk for six months
and they
kept me in a cage
and
at the end of the six months they
brought me back to my same room in
langley
and i was driven in a car
between those places
so i knew it was montauk
at that point i knew it was langley
because i could read the signs
and
because
mom had taught me were reading right
when i was four
so
i
they may have erased mom but they didn't
erase the reading right
so um
i may have been the only one of the kids
that could read and write
i don't know
um
were there older kids i mean you were
you were four four five six years old
were there kids that were like
in their pre-teens or something
they had the group of us were between
four and eight when we got there
we were all little
whoever had done the preliminary
research knew that it required
little kids sure
that the older kids would
die
and they were hoping more of this would
live
but 80 of us died the first year
that's outrageous waste
i mean i don't know why
the department of defense tolerated it i
don't know why the cia tolerated it
losing that many of us
but my understanding from other veterans
of these programs is that
by 1980 that they had stopped doing the
extreme mine fracture
that they
were only doing like 30 alters each
the people around you the the
the employees there
was there a lot of
would you say like qualified personnel
who knew like like dog like doctors i
presume those were like psychiatrists
with you know special skills right
we're doing this first of all where do
you think this whole technique
come from did it all come from the
germany or was it
do you think it was there before did
they know about this before
how did they know how to mine fracture
the technique and everything
i don't know from my memories
okay
i have done research
and
there was
a lot of research
in the 1800s
americans english
germans french and russians
austrians
there was almost a cold war about
this type of
agent
and a lot of research was done and then
buried
so that
in the 1960s
we see the kgb and the cia and mi5
all doing the same research again
so
i think the level that i was at they
were building on the old research
so i think the publicly known mkultra
was repeating the old research
and this time using drugs that were not
available in the 1800s that's right
the lsd and stuff
yeah lsd was in new
drugs
so the people around you what was their
demeanor like were they like
just cold soulless to you or was there
any interaction
were they like sadistic or
how did they communicate
all of this
the people in charge were sadistic
they enjoyed what they did to us
uh
the day-to-day people that were carrying
out their orders
were cold and clinical like this was
just another day's work
uh
they probably
might have been might fracture
themselves to do this it's possible yeah
it's fun
uh especially the ones doing it today
they're probably mind fractured
but the ones then
it's like
there was no mercy
there was no defense
um
i know my abilities were weaponized by
them attacking me
because that's what happened when i came
back from montauk was my abilities were
weaponized and then i was taught the
skills that they wanted my altars to
have
okay
i was taught how
to destroy electronics with my mind i
was taught how to kill people with my
mind i was taught how to
kill people with weapons i was taught
how to
how to be a female
assassin
without getting caught
and
part of that is the ninja in visibility
you put up a
field
your own chi
that makes it where people don't even
see you
i have memories of an assassin altar who
walks out of a hotel room stark naked
covered in
her victim's blood
and no one even sees her they look right
through her like she's not there
i have no idea how she pulls this off
but i've seen her do it more than once
okay
uh that's
once
the first altar
was activated
i've had
others
almost like dominoes the ones that were
close to it
started they start by i wake up
in that altar with it
and watch what it does with the
inability to affect what it does
is that a memory or is it in real time
usually
it's in it's in real time
no i mean is it from the past or
no i i have ultra still active okay
okay we should probably talk about it
talk about it uh more in detail because
you know a lot of people don't still
don't understand how you can be
somewhere with your altar and physically
being here okay
all right so you remember the training
the the the battle training the weapons
training
uh the psychic psionic training as well
martial arts
as well everything
art
um
magic
we were taught magic by bavarian
illuminati we were
we had training from knights templar we
had
we had
japanese ninjas come teach us and
it was a very
complex
training
can you
do you remember anything like most
clearly that you can describe
any part of it
we would be set against each other
where
where we had to have shielding
to protect from each other
and it was
the orders where only one of us was
coming out of the room
alive
and uh there might be five of us in the
room
and it was no holds barred use whatever
you got
only one of you is coming out alive
we were
forced into killing each other
and
there were no alliances
you
did what you had to do and you survived
and you got out or you didn't
and you ended up in the regeneration
tank and
however long it took to recover from the
injuries you'd be in there and then it
would be
back to the same thing because you
didn't pass
and so they would do it until you pass
maybe
they might make you past five or six
times right
party
and there was no rhyme or reason to it
you might be in the middle of another
training and they'll pull you out for a
couple of days for something else
there was no
structure there was no continuity it was
constant chaos we were never allowed to
be on solid footing we were always at
their whim
as in we were not people who mattered
we were assets we were tools we were
owned
and death was not an option
they kept reinforcing the idea that
they owned us and they could do whatever
the hell they wanted to us
and there was nothing we were allowed to
do now
one of the skills that i had was the
ability to blow people's heads up
or stopped their hearts
and i practiced this on the idiots that
were running the program
that was when they found out i could do
it was because i did it to them
and they were not happy coming out of
the regen tank
they weren't happy about coming out of
the region at all because you come out
with full memory of what happened before
you went in
so you remember how you were killed
right
when you came out
you remember how you were killed and you
remember what it felt like
and did it
and so the anger levels get really high
and we were not allowed to be angry
except
at some point you figured out that that
anger would
the anger would power
the psionics weapons
you could channel that anger into the
ability
and use it against the person you were
angry with
and
that was like a major breakthrough
to learn to channel that energy and they
were
they gave the impression they were angry
with me
okay
but they may or may not have been
they lied a lot
i mean
i don't know how to put it other than
that they lied a lot
they would tell you well if you do this
then we'll we'll let you have that and
then you'd never get it
and there was no affection there was no
respect there was no
you know all the things that little kids
need i mean you're a dad you know what
little kids need we didn't get any of
that
so
we were
not loved
we were tortured
we were
not kept warm we were
not given any of the things that
children normally need
you know
after my
abuse with
the
program and my abuse with my parents
when i had kids of my own
i would sit there in a situation and
think
what would my mother do
and then do the exact opposite
that was the way i raised my kids was
the opposite of how i had been raised
and they grew up and they're all three
married and they're all three
self-supporting and none of them are in
jail and they're good people
so
the opposite of what i was raised like
turned out to be the best plan
so um
my experience at langley was not
something i would wish on my worst enemy
that's the honest truth
and if they are still doing anything of
the sort to anyone
it should be stopped
do you think they still are
i've had
people from other factions tell me it's
been stopped
that it was considered a waste of prime
assets
because so many of us died
and i would agree with that assessment
but
in the ssp group i have too many young
people in their 20s
coming to me
with similar memories
for me to believe that it stopped
and these are not just americans these
are from all over
the world
um
some of
a significant number of them english is
a second language for them so these are
not
just
english-speaking people
these are
from
everywhere
[Music]
um
the biggest
commonality
is that
they have
maravingian
in their family tree
so europeans something right europeans
or
anywhere i guess
marathians were 1500 years ago
those people got around a lot
so they could be anywhere
anywhere
anywhere that europeans ever went
which is everywhere on the planet
so um
so the et's there then
the the mantids and the greys
did you ever
were you ever in a in a in the same
setting with them and what do you
remember
what was their role there what did they
do
i never saw them outside the offices
area okay they were
they were not involved in the day-to-day
work
um
but you did see them
in the building somewhere okay i saw
that
on the same floor in the building
the only times i was ever out of that
floor were when i was taken to montauk
and brought back
and then when we left
to go to new york
there's a jump gate on long island and
we were taken there
um that's how we got to mars
and the naga being was she uh she you
said that she was like a
like like a scientist basically with
them do you know what she did
specifically no
i have no idea what she did specifically
there but she told me telepathically
that it would eventually be okay
so whatever that means
a lot of et's tell humans things like
that just to calm you down right
because
we have an emotional energy that
is kind of explosive
especially
when it hits a being that's that's not
fully 3d
the
bloodline
that they were choosing was one that is
nordic hybrid
and
we
naturally have
more psionic abilities than
normals
and so when they added the draco on top
of that and
thin
the
teaching us how to use it
and weaponizing it
we became
dangerous to the ets in the building
so
i'm sure most of her kindness was
self-protection sure
how tall was she
uh
the upright part
was almost six foot
and she had a good 20 foot tail behind
her oh okay
so it was a snake it was a large
basically snake spine that ended up in
with a tail okay
uh-huh
and a torso with like arms and legs and
stuff
okay just don't oh just arms
just arms so no legs then
no legs
slithering along
yes i inhabit a world where
snakes and lizards can talk
sometimes with their mouths sometimes
with with telepathy
there are also man who are eight nine
foot tall talking bugs
and
the grays that are
anywhere from three feet tall to six
feet tall and
they're mostly telepathic and this is
this is the world i inhabit this is
normal
i understand it's not for everyone else
were there any
any reptilians on the base that you
remember
apart from i mean besides the naga
person
not at langley there was
there was the one
there was the one at montauk but not at
langley
the people involved with the mind
fracture and weaponization were all
human
and i've had
lots and lots and lots and lots of
people bulk at that they want to think
it's reptilians but it's not it's humans
or germans
for that matter
or germans right
um i didn't see any germans there was
one man who had a german accent i don't
know what their personal ethnicity was
but they spoke english
so
so this gives you like an idea of
there being like a group of people who
are
trained and aware and had a project set
up
by that time like what 1960 the end of
1950s and they were perfectly fine with
that and outside you had your
normal day
america
yeah yes and there were people probably
in the same building several stories up
who had no clue this was going on at all
they were going about their normal lives
so was there
was jogging around
weapons practice
filling out paperwork whatever they did
was there normal
air force base stuff
right so that's an air force base
with pilots and everything
air space yes
and somewhere on the property there's a
building that
the basement has had this i don't know
if it's even still in the same building
because that was
16 years ago way back
was there any any final exam that you
took that you remember like what was it
at the end of this program just before
you jump to mars
what happened
it told us our time was up
apparently they had a new group coming
in
okay and
i remember
hearing the thoughts
of the guy in charge
he had gotten chewed out
for losing so many of us
i had been there five years when they
sent me to mars
so i was nine
when i went through the junk gate how
many of them and i was
that's once uh
at that one trip there were
i think eight or nine of us in the
elevator that turned into the jump room
but
that doesn't mean there were more
before and after
so
we went from
we went into this building and we were
still in our pajamas
and we went into the elevator and they
said okay that's enough
and they uh
they had one operator
that ran the panel
and there was a panel for regular
elevator and there was a
slide
and there was a panel for
the jump gate
so you mean it wasn't actually in a
regular elevator
not in a
secret like uh enclosures
it was in an actual elevator in a
building on long island in new york
and you know that
it's not the empire state building okay
but it was it was big enough to have an
elevator in 1964.
and it was right on the river and under
a bridge
the only photo that i've seen from that
time period it was a hospital
which would explain why nobody cared
that we were impediments
and we were told to huddle in the middle
and not touch the edges
not touch the walls
because the walls kind of morphed
into a time tunnel look
and
it went through the back
and it took about 20 minutes and we were
in ma
we were in atlas prima on mars
when as you went did you could you see
what was going on around you like that
the hyper space whatever
was it like it looked
it looked more like
the tunnel from montauk where it had the
lubies yeah
so it was a variation of that technology
and you couldn't tell where the
basically the elevator
cabin ended and how like the the the
when it morphed into this tunnel you
couldn't
like see
when it was physical and then it wasn't
right it was like all over the world
it just it just sort of
you know
if we they had us in the middle right
all together
i mean
you know kids eight or nine little
little kids huddled together and
the youngest ones are in are like nine
and we're supposed to touch each other
come on
after we pulling each other in training
come on get real this ain't happening
so um
we were in the middle but
it wasn't until the walls appeared to
dissolve that we actually hung onto each
other
and that was more
that was more
self-protection yeah so
so
20 minutes of this right
20 minutes of this yes
and then we were
at ali's premium